This was the last thing I wanted to write about… As funny as I knew this post could be, the more I wrote, the more morbid it became…
3 years ago: I spent an afternoon in a little coffee shop that sold unique gifts, like the muffin holders in the picture above. I laughed when I saw them… but I’m not laughing any more.
More about 3 years ago: I was in great shape.
Fast forward to today: My muffin top is overflowing. I’m in terrible shape and can’t believe how far I let myself go. For the past year, I contemplated joining a gym and working out, but I was lazy and had every excuse not to. The problem was that my excuses were lame. I don’t have a full-time job and honestly, being consistent about my blog hadn’t been a priority. Again, I was just being lazy.
Last Week – Day 1: I signed up for a 14-day free trial at a gym, and went. At first, I only did cardio. It was a bike. Did I mention that I have always hated cardio? But, I was scared. I used to love free weights! The free-weight room at my gym was one of my happy places.
Day 2: I did venture into the free-weight room, but it was filled with young kids and I Just. Couldn’t. Do. It. I wasn’t ready. I did do more cardio though. I tried a different bike.
This Week – Monday: Yup, I did cardio again, but that was AFTER I spent some quality time in the free-weight room. Monday I decided to work my lats and bi’s (I am all about getting back to my old routine). I struggled, almost broke a machine, couldn’t lift a quarter of what I used to and even had to stop mid-stream during one of my reps because I had no juice left. Instead of quitting though, I tucked my tail between my legs, put the weights I was using back on the rack and picked up lighter ones so I could finish. I was embarrassed! It was hard… but really, nobody cared, and they weren’t even paying attention to me.
Today – Tuesday: Back to the gym I went. This morning, I got to the gym extra early, saw that it was crowded, and sat in my car. Yup, I sat there for a good 15 minutes before I went in. I hated how I felt. I despise the fear I have. My emotions were sucking the life out of me, but then I remembered a TEDx talk by Angela Lee Duckworth about GRIT. Her words:
She talked about how GRIT is how success is measured. It’s not necessarily your IQ, or how well you do in school. It’s your GRIT that counts. I’m not sure if it was thinking about her talk that helped or simply the word GRIT because it sounds so raw and makes me kind of want to dig in! At that moment though, it didn’t matter. I did it. I got out of my car and went in. I started in the women’s area today because I wanted to focus on my legs and I have never been comfortable with myself during a full leg work out. There was a mirror in front of me during my workout (my muffin top was in full-force). It sucked to look at myself, and how much I let my body go, but that also made me a little stronger, and more sure of what I want. I want my body back and refuse to let anything get in the way. After finishing my leg workout, I went back to my trusty bike. It broke in the middle of my training but at least I got 14 minutes in.
Tomorrow: I’ll be back at the gym for chest and tri’s. I know all of this is going to get easier. Each day… a little easier… I have faith.