This Is Not What I Really Want To Say

But I have to… even though the pain I felt today was overwhelming.

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… because as awful as things might get, if I don’t repeat mantras like this…

I will stop breathing.

I will not think of solutions.

I will let my worry control me.

I will let my stress break me.

I won’t breathe.

It will not be ok,

and I will want to quit.

So I will repeat this mantra today and every day things make me feel out of control.  I will teach my children to do the same when they feel the same way.  I will live up to this mantra because it’s what I have to do for myself and for my family.

Today, I felt pain.

I felt pain I never wanted to feel.  My daughter is going through more than any 8-year-old should have to and I don’t know how to fix it for her.  Each day, I wake up not knowing how she will feel, not knowing if she’ll cry before school or if I will see her pretty smile.  It hurts so much, but until we get everything sorted out and know the best course to take, I will remind myself of the mantra above and recite it (100 times a day if I have to), just so I stay sane and keep breathing through this time.

Life will throw us curve balls, and if they hit us, they will sting… a lot. But the sting doesn’t last forever.  It’s up to us to breathe through the pain and come out better in the end.

 

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A Perfect Gift For A Mobile Lifestyle

#spon: I’m required to disclose a relationship between our site and Intel This could include Intel providing us w/content, product, access or other forms of payment.

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As a creative entrepreneur, I need want my laptop, tablet, camera, cell phone, and planner with me all the time. Whether I plan on using them all or not, leaving home without one leaves me feeling a bit lost. At the same time, leaving home with them all tires me out. Carrying that many devices is a nightmare.

When Intel asked me to become an advocate, I was excited, but didn’t realize how much it would change the way I worked and traveled. They sent me the Intel 2 in 1 Microsoft Surface Pro 3!  The best way to sum it up is that IT ROCKS!  The Microsoft Surface Pro 3 is a Razor Thin Laptop and Tablet in one!  The battery lasts forever (ok, so maybe not forever but… if you are watching videos, one charge lasts up to 8 hours), which is a lot longer than any other tablet or laptop I have!

It’s no secret that I am slightly obsessed with Apps.  Finally, I can have the SAME APPS ON MY LAPTOP AND TABLET since I now have a Intel 2 in 1!  No longer do I have to hope that my apps will sync between devices because they are on the same device!

My Intel 2 in 1 not only makes my daily life easier, its super light, super fast, streamlines my mobile lifestyle, and it’s OH SO PRETTY!  I love it and I know you will too!  Check it out!

JOIN THE INTEL ADVOCATE EXPERIENCE:

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What Do Your Children Think Of You?

Have you ever thought about what your children think of you?  I never put much thought into what my girls really thought about me.  Like a lot of parents, I assumed they would always love me unconditionally.  Talk about a selfish assumption!

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It’s hard to believe that my girls could feel anything but love for me.  I mean, look at all I do for them, right?  Unfortunately, no matter how much you do for anyone, it doesn’t excuse bad behavior.  I feel blessed to have an amazing relationship with my girls, but even more blessed that I have allowed them to talk openly with me.  Because of our open relationship, I learned things about myself that were “not so pretty.”

“Mom, sometimes you get more angry than you should about stuff and you make a big deal about things that aren’t such a big deal.  When you get mad like that, I wish you would just talk to me instead of yell.”
That came from my 8-year-old.

Let me just start by saying that was the last thing I ever expected to hear from my daughter!  Wow, I felt small after she said that!  She was right though.  After a bit of introspection, I realized that I was no stranger to overreacting.  It’s just one of the many changes I am working on.  I strongly believe in bettering yourself and although I am not interested in changing who I am, I have no problem changing who I don’t want to be.

Here’s a little mantra I like to recite when I need a little help feeling grounded.

I open to the fullness of my power.
I live my life with integrity.
I have the power to manifest my dreams.
Whatever I do is more than enough.
I am enough just as I am!
In challenging situations I am relaxed
And focused on positive outcomes.
I am at peace with myself.
I harness my personal power.
I can. I will. I do.

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The Journey Is About Getting Lost

The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t always as bright as it seems if you forget the things that made it glow in the first place. thejourney

Life is a beautiful and amazing journey and it’s yours!  I love having goals, but I never want to let them drive me so hard that I forget to look around.

Achieving your goals and having success can feel pretty great, but you have to enjoy the journey.  Sometimes, that enjoyment comes from looking around, and taking a different turn than the one your GPS tells you to, simply because it looks inviting.  Having a full life is not about staying on one path forever.  It’s the exploring that makes it fun.

Have some fun, live a little, keep your goal in mind, but don’t forget to get lost along the way; and why not?  We have GPS to get us back on track when we need to.

Be An Explorer Of The World

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Add Some Color To Your Life With This

My planner obsession reached a new high with these!  I never thought anything could top the hundreds I have used so far but this one did!  Did you know it started with one sentence…

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Thank You Erin Condren for making my planner dream a reality!  The planners are perfect!  Even though my wardrobe is mostly black, I love colors.  I secretly miss my pre-teen/teen years because of how much I loved having accessories like pencils and pens, to headbands and earrings in every color of the rainbow (ok, so maybe I still have a few).

“I secretly wish a big rainbow sparkle would throw up on me once in a while.

Anyhow, Erin Condren Planners add a boost to my days!  With a colorful theme, great quotes inside (and out), and an ideal layout for my life, I cannot help but smile every time I look at my planner!  It’s the perfect start to my morning routine!

Here’s To Erin Condren Designs & 100 Days Of Quotes : Quote #25

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<Photo Credit:  www.erincondren.com>

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<Photo Credit: Erin Condren Pinterest Page>

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<Photo Credit:  www.erincondren.com>

What’s your favorite planner?

*New Year Quote : WWW.ErinCondren.Com

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When Home Isn’t Where The Heart Is

Your home should be a breath of life.  Your Life, Your Breath, Your Sacred Space.

I have thought about this a lot.  As I look at my surroundings, I’ve realized that they don’t feel like me, nor do they make me feel good or warm inside like I want.  They do not represent what I consider a sanctuary, and walking through the door never feels like I am coming home.  I spent my life working towards creating my sanctuary, only to wake up one day and realize that I didn’t have anything I genuinely wanted any more.

HOME

My home is filled with beauty.  It’s filled with lovely things, but none feel like my own.  Imagine not feeling at home in your home.  It’s where we are now.  It feels awful.  Having changed so much over the years and after working so hard on “finding” myself, I started to once again feel lost.  This time though, I am not lost with who I am rather, it’s where I am.

We are an integrated family.  There are so many positives about living with family.  My parents, my husband, my children and I live together.  Coming from another country and growing up without family, it’s so wonderful to offer my daughters the chance to grow up in a warm and loving family environment.  They are never lonely.  The house is filled with life, even the chaotic kind… Regardless, with all the perks come some very difficult things too.

My mother and I have different tastes.  I wish I could say it didn’t create friction but it does.  The friction unfortunately, comes more from me.  It’s my frustration that causes most of it because of my discomfort.  I look around my home and see so much beauty, but for us (my family), it’s not practical, nor is it comfortable “for us”.  As a family, we have two options.  The first, move… again.  The second, find a way to make it work.  I choose the latter, especially because of my children.

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Being A Free-Spirit

Those who don’t understand you, shouldn’t have any bearing on what you love about yourself. – Shivani Cotter

It’s the freedom to be who you are and open to others.  It’s yours for the taking.  You just need to have courage.  Often, its assumed that the free-spirited person is someone who is unconventional; the bohemian; the hippie.  It’s so unfortunate that living your own identity (if it doesn’t conform to “normal” standards), is considered unconventional…

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I want to know who decided that!  The free spirit is beautiful!  I wish we all embodied that “free-spirited” attitude!  How lucky the world would be to have such beautiful minds expressing themselves freely and living according to their own standards and beliefs.

I wonder… how many of us would still be homeowners or how many would travel the world, be nomads, and genuinely experience different cultures with an open mind? Would more people have stereotypical jobs, or would there be more artists in the world? I’ll bet there would be more happy people around us.

I spoke with a friend earlier who told me things I didn’t expect.  I had opened myself up and shared something with women I knew.  What I shared was not anything crazy.  Just an interest of mine.  What I didn’t expect was how something so sacred to me could be viewed so differently by others simply because they didn’t understand it.  It hurt that a passion of mine had been talked about with giggles.  It’s when I realized that there are some things that people may never understand.  That’s ok, though.  In the future, I can do two things…

  1. Choose to keep certain things about myself silent for fear that people won’t understand, or
  2. Feel free to be myself, express myself, and let my spirit shine; for those that do not understand me, have no bearing on what I love about who I am.

I choose #2.

Which would you choose?

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Gratitude Or Bust

‘Tis The Season.  Why do we talk about gratitude more during the holiday season?  It’s getting old people!  I love gratitude.  Don’t get me wrong!  I think that showing gratitude and expressing what we are grateful for is super-important!  I also believe that teaching our children about gratitude is integral, but… not just during the holidays.
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Gratitude should be taught, learned and felt year-long.  I heard a kid once say, “We should be grateful because it’s important.  If we aren’t grateful, Santa might not bring us any presents.”  WHAT!  Who taught you that kid?  Ok, so maybe it’s not a bad lesson, but why does it have to revolve around Santa?  We should be grateful for what we have (PERIOD).

You all know I love my self-help books.  Some might say that I read them because I am searching… actually, somebody once asked me if I was grasping for something by reading them.  I thought that was cute, but my response was, “Nope, not at all.  In fact, I read them because I am in love with bettering myself, and I think that reading another person’s perspective on life is a beautiful thing.”  Well folks, if it wasn’t for those self-help books I love so much, I may never have reaped the benefits of acknowledging things I am grateful for each day.  My gratitude journals not only remind me of every day blessings, they put a great big smile on my face.

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Be A Warrior

Life throws us unexpected curve balls all the time.  The latest curve ball life decided to throw at me sucked… and still sucks; but I’m not going to let that stop me from living and keeping my faith.  Pat Benatar said it best when she sang, “I AM A WARRIOR.”
STRENGHT

I AM A WARRIOR.

With Strength, Passion, Faith, Confidence and Love, I Stand Tall.  I’ve already hit rock bottom… more than once.  Every time I fell, I picked myself up again.  I didn’t need anyone to do that for me (although I can’t say that I didn’t wish someone would then), but I am glad nobody did.  It was me.  I picked myself back up again.  I brushed myself off, and stood tall, facing fear head on and making the decision to conquer it with love.

I faced my fears head on and conquered them with love.  My warrior mentality did not happen over night, but with a lot of training and conditioning, my mind began to see things from a different place (a place of love).

In finding prayer, gratitude, and learning to love myself, I became a warrior.

My inner warrior can conquer more than I ever imagined.  She sees things from a different angle and knows that things, no matter how bad, will be ok.  Today, the warrior in me is facing life head on.

Be A Warrior.

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