Beating The Wrong Addiction

Years ago, I had the most fulfilling addiction one could ask for. I was addicted to taking care of myself, my body and my mind. My appearance was important to me. Not because I wanted to look pretty. It was because I wanted to live as long as I could and stay as healthy as I could for my daughters. I had the need to be a positive role model for both of them, and I was determined to watch them grow and stay by their side for as long as I could.

Slowly though, I became complacent with how great I felt and slowly stopped taking care of myself as much. It began with less hours at the gym, meditating became less of a priority, even my eating habits went south.

2 Years Later: I really started to notice “the change.” My body wasn’t as lean as it used to be, my energy levels were lower than usual, my skin didn’t have a glow, all the positivity I used to exude was gone. I was losing sight of everything I wanted for my family and myself and wasn’t really happy anymore.

My moment of clarity: Sitting with my daughter Talia one day, she asked… “Mom, how come you don’t smile a lot?” Wow, I thought! Did she really just ask me that? Do I really not smile much? I was so STUCK in that miserable little wall I built around myself that I wasn’t even watching the beauty of life happening around me. The walls didn’t need to cave in around me… they were broken from the start.

That “moment of clarity” was when I decided to kick out the broken walls and let the sun shine directly on me! Instead of punishing myself, I praised myself for listening to my daughter and realizing what an idiot I was being. I started screaming positive affirmations to the universe! I began my gratitude journal. I started meditating again. I forced myself to take in everything happening around me and loving it. Although I knew that was just the beginning of my path to becoming who I was again, I was ready to run it and never stop running.

Everything in life is a spiritual journey.

I don’t regret that I lost my happy place for a bit. If I did that, I couldn’t move forward. They do call it a lost an found for a reason… Anything lost, can be found, even if it isn’t exactly the same as it was the first time you had it.

I like to consider all that is lost, then found, better than before, having more character, more depth, more to learn from and more to gain from.

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