Tag Archives: bullying

Living inside out

Do you have the courage to live inside out?

This morning, while eating breakfast with my family, I noticed my daughter’s shirt was inside out. I helped her get ready and wondered, how did I miss that? Sure, it looked pretty normal but her tag was definitely on the wrong side. I giggled. Of course, like anyone who loves to disseminate everything they experience, I assimilated this moment to the human race and the term “normalcy.“

A quirky teenager (aka ME), thought to herself one day… why don’t I fit in like everyone else? I feel pretty normal. The reality: I was NOT normal. Then again, neither was anyone else. From afar, the popular girls seemed happy. It was assumed everyone liked them. The jocks seemed like they were all friends. Again, this was from afar. What I didn’t pay attention to, was that the popular girls were doing things like stealing each others boyfriends, bickering about who got to buy the ah-mazing dress they saw at the mall, and who’s hair was highest (yes, I did grow up in the 80′s). Within every group, there were outcasts. Each of them, desperately trying to fit in so much, that they forgot themselves. I realize today, that I allowed myself to fall into that trap too. While I was trying to fit in with the “popular” crowd, I didn’t pursue things that made me happy.

Living inside out is exactly what most of us forget to do. It is the truly strong that are willing to expose who they are. I want children in this world to stop living outside in and start living inside out. My daughters shirt may have been inside out, but it made me smile. It’s not about perfection or imperfections, it’s about being real and true to yourself. Exposing oneself is a lot more fun than hiding who you truly are. It’s living inside out and giggling.

Posted in Inspirations, Parenting, Ruminate | Tagged bullying, Centered, living, Popularity, Self Discovery, Self-Awareness | Leave a comment

Stand Up To Bullying

This article was featured in the Activist Spotlight Series on Care2. Please help me spread the word!
Tweet #bullyproof

Activist Spotlight – Shivani Cotter Stands Up to Bullies Everywhere

Note: This is another part in our Activist Spotlight series, where we shine a light on Care2 members who are making a difference in their communities.

http://www.care2.com/causes/activist-spotlight-shivani-cotter-stands-up-to-bullies-everywhere.html#ixzz2HUMVR1fT

Everyone experiences seasons of pain, and it takes a special strength to remain soft and open instead of hardening into bitterness. Care2 member Shivani Cotter is familiar with life’s darker aspects, and yet deep compassion and empathy practically spill out of her every gesture and word. More than anything, she is passionate about empowering others to overcome whatever obstacles prevent them from being the people they were meant to be.

“Whether people, animals or the environment, we all need a fair chance to grow the way we were meant to,” she explains.

Shivani’s activism springs from a personal experience of injustice. Born in Calcutta, India, she was “no stranger to witnessing those less fortunate.” After her family immigrated to Massachusetts, however, she experienced hardship of a different kind when she became the target of bullies at school.

These experiences in elementary and junior high school “tainted me for life,” she explains sadly. “The bullying shaped who I was, which prevented me from being who I am today earlier in my life. I was very insecure and my sense of self was not strong. Constantly trying to be the type of person I thought would be accepted prevented me from doing many things that I genuinely wanted to.”

Like so many others who have been victimized, Shivani was able to finally move past this period of emotional devastation, and the experience gave her a renewed appreciation for the resilience of the human soul. Even while she was being ostracized and demeaned, her heart ached for those going through the same torture.

She is thrilled that she now has a fresh platform from which to empower others — her website. Via TrendingMom.com, Shivani encourages people to set their own trends and embrace their individuality.

“My voice is now being heard and I am loving it,” she gushes. ”My website is my opportunity to let others into my life, and write about all the things near to my heart, from parenting to humanitarian efforts and technology. Quite simply, it’s a bit of me, to you!”

Aware of just how much our environments shape our identities, Shivani is passionate about fostering a safe, healthy, affirming habitat for her own two daughters. “My children, of course, are my world,” she confides. “I feel very accomplished as a mother, but cannot take credit for who they are internally. They are beautiful people. My husband and I may have created them, but, they came out knowing who they were, and they never cease to amaze me.”

Care2 features prominently in Shivani’s narrative of personal empowerment. She enjoys reading news and signing petitions from Care2′s bloggers and nonprofit partners, but her favorite thing about Care2 is how individual members keep the site’s energy going. “Every time I enter the Care2 website, I know I am making a positive contribution to a cause I feel good about,” she says. “The best part is how easy it is to do!”

Thank you, Shivani, for courageously seeking to empower others!

by Ellyn Schwaiger
April 15, 2012
11:00 am

Tweet #bullyproof

Posted in Centered, Children, Family, Humanity, Kids, Media, Parenting | Tagged activist, bullies, bullying, bullyproof, school | Leave a comment

Children And Facebook – What Parent’s Need To Know

Parents/Guardians: What You Need To Know About Your Child’s First Facebook Account.

Facebook is a semi-private platform used as a way to communicate and share personal information with other users. There are many risks associated with sharing information through Facebook. Below are a list of things that all parents need to know about their child’s Facebook accounts. Between cyberbullying and other internet hazards social media sites pose, being educated about social media could prevent a potential bad situation from happening to your own child.

Below is just some of the personal data users have the ability to post and share on Facebook:
- Their Full Name
- Their Phone Number(s)
- Home Town And State
- City/State Where You Currently Live
- Current And Previous School Information As Well As Addresses
- Curriculum Studied
- Current And Previous Employment Information
- Groups/Organizations You Are Associated With
- Interests
- Relationship Status And Whether You Are Interested In Meeting New People, Interested In Men/Women And More.
- Family Members On Facebook
- Your Birthday And Age
- Photos And Videos
- Status Updates
- There Is Even A Section On Your Profile Page Called Personal. These Are Empty Fields Where A User Can Enter Anything They Want.
Privacy Settings
- Facebook does in fact offer various privacy settings for users. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to keep up with the frequent changes Facebook makes to their privacy settings and adjust individual user settings according to each change.
- Privacy settings should be set to “only my friends,” or “no one.”

Photos
- Facebook creates a digital link between your name and your photo. What this means for the user:
  - Your photo can be accessed through the Internet by entering your name in a search engine.
  - Entering your name in a search engine may show your profile picture.
  - If a user decides to click on your picture, they could access more personal information about you.
- Users have the option to set their account to public or private, limiting the number of users that can view their albums and pictures. Unfortunately, users do not have the ability to “opt out” of their profile picture being publicly accessible.
  - The only way to prevent your profile picture from being public is by never uploading a profile picture.
- Tagging Pictures – Users may “tag” pictures of another user, which associates the “tagged” users name with the picture. What this means for the user:
  - Once a picture is tagged, it is displayed on the ”tagged” user’s profile wall.
  - Facebook users do have the opportunity to approve all “tagged” pictures prior to the picture being displayed on their wall. If the user does not approve the “tagged” picture, it will not be displayed on their wall. The user that posted the picture can still post it on their wall but the “tagged” user’s name will not be visible.
Facebook Messaging System – Facebook has a messaging system that combines texting, instant messaging and email into a streamlined method of communication. Whether a user prefers one or the other, they are able to communicate however they please.
The “Facebook Timeline” – Profile pages offer a “Facebook Timeline” which allows viewers to know your current whereabouts as well as a timeline of past events. It creates an on line journal of your life for other Facebook users.
Games And Applications– Facebook gives users the ability to participate in virtual games and add applications to their profiles. Through participation, the user’s visibility increases, and personal information is not only shared with strangers but interaction is possible as well.
- The dangers of some Apps:
  - Regardless of whether you press the “Like” or “Share” button, some Apps will allow viewers to see articles you read on line, concert or other event tickets you purchase and more.
- Numerous Facebook Applications have also been found to be a hoax. Some of these Applications, when downloaded, have given hackers access to the user profiles and personal information. A few have even been able to forward messages to additional friends, in turn giving the hacker access to multiple user profiles.
Events – Facebook allows users to create an event, whether it is a celebration or a simple get together. The organizer can invite any of their Facebook friends or make the event public. By accepting the invitation, this too will appear on your profile page for others to view.

The list of potential hazards are long. If your child wants a Facebook account, it is important to educate them and make sure that you friend them as well. Children who have parents as friends on Facebook are less likely to socially network the wrong way. The key is to keep the lines of communication open with your child.

A few great books on this topic are listed for you below

The Parent’s Guide to Texting, Facebook, and Social Media

The Buzz About Social Media: A Cyber Safety Workbook and Discussion Guide for Pre-Teens, Ages 8-12

A Smart Girl’s Guide to the Internet (American Girl Library)

Posted in Children, Education, Family, Kids, Media, Motherhood, Parenting, Tech | Tagged books, bullying, cell phones, cyber, cyberbully, facebook, Parenting, read, school, sexting, texting | Leave a comment

Facebook Allowing Children 12 And Under?

Reading recent headlines regarding Facebook just about made me regurgitate twice in my own mouth. As sick as that may sound, I don’t believe it is as sick as the headlines were. As I skimmed through a few articles about Facebook and their wild and crazy idea allowing children 12 and under to use their site, I wanted to do nothing more than scream. As if our children have nothing better to do than spend their youth on social networking sites like Facebook.

Between child predators, cyber-bullies, social pressures and more, why would Facebook even think this is a good idea for our youth? This past May, Consumer Reports published the below in an article regarding a study they did:

“Children under 13 aren’t supposed to use Facebook. We project from our survey that the company closed about 800,000 such accounts in the last year.

But some 5.6 million underage kids still have accounts, our survey suggests. And 800,000 minors were harassed or subjected to other forms of cyberbullying on Facebook.

Our survey also shows that most parents who knew their preteen used Facebook had not discussed online threats with them or “friended” them, while up to a third did nothing to keep up with their children’s Facebook activities”

Targets: 11- to 13-year-olds. The least vigilant parents in our survey were those with children under 13 on Facebook. “The kids most often targeted are 11- to 13-year-olds, because they’re more naive and less likely to tell an adult about it,” says Nils Frederiksen, a spokesman for the Pennsylvania Attorney General’s Office. Its Child Predator Unit recently charged William Ainsworth, 53, with using phony Facebook identities to lure hundreds of girls as young as 11, whose profiles revealed that they were vulnerable because of trouble at home or school. Ainsworth allegedly solicited nude photos from some and arranged to meet for sex. He has pleaded not guilty.

Investigators interviewed more than 30 girls; almost all said they were using Facebook with little or no parental knowledge when they communicated with the predator. Most used cell phones or other mobile devices, making supervision difficult.”

The above study alone is good enough for me to realize that allowing children under age 13 to use Facebook is a very bad idea! It’s dangerous just like many other social networking sites. Adults need to use sites like these with caution, never mind a minor who may not fully understand the risks associated with it. As adults, we understand that one needs to use discretion when announcing certain things on Facebook. Examples include leaving for vacation and letting the whole world know your house will be vacant. Something as simple as announcing the date of your wedding and where you plan to honeymoon or pictures you post while on your honeymoon can lead to a break in.

Food for thought: According to an article published on Parents.com, “based on the identity of the perpetrator, there are three distinct types of kidnapping: kidnapping by a relative of the victim or “family kidnapping” (49 percent), kidnapping by an acquaintance of the victim or “acquaintance kidnapping” (27 percent), and kidnapping by a stranger to the victim or “stranger kidnapping” (24 percent).” That said, the majority of abductions that occur are by a relative or acquaintance. Well now, your 9-year-old son or daughter is on Facebook. You, as the parent decide on who they should or should not friend on Facebook. Your child’s aunt, uncle, maybe a close friend or neighbor wants to friend them and you allow it. Now, your child and a friend head out to the movies with one another. They post it on Facebook, or better yet, your child’s friend posts it on Facebook because you don’t allow your child to post where they are going. Unfortunately, their friend decides to “tag” them on their Facebook profile… Enough said.

If by chance, Mark Zuckerberg did in fact “hint” about opening the social network to minors, as noted in an msnbc article written by Helen A.S. Popkin, he should be ashamed of himself and think about the potential consequences. Either that, or he is still far to young and naive to understand what the repercussions could be. He may need some social monitoring on his profile as well…again… just food for thought…
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