When Life Throws You Lemons And The “C” Word…
First, DO NOT… I REPEAT… DO NOT listen to anyone who tells you to make lemonade and soak in it.
Why would you ever want to ingest something causing you pain! I do however suggest making the lemonade and giving some to an annoying neighbor, or maybe an evil rumor regurgitating housewife… On second thought, don’t even make the lemonade.
thrown slammed by lemons yesterday. As I sat in the passenger seat of my car, I got “the call.” Typically, I dread phone calls from my doctor, but I thought this one would be fine. I mean really, the day before the worst ailment I could have had (clearly not inflicted by my dancing) was a kidney stone or UTI. I even cracked a smile before I picked up the call.
The Call. The first few seconds were perfect. “Hi Mrs. C, it’s (insert doctors name here). I have your results and you do not have a UTI…” WHOOPIE! NO UTI! “… but … I am a little concerned and would like to have you in for an ultrasound as soon as possible. Your problems could be due to a MASS in your kidney.”
HUH? WHAT THE HELL DID SHE MEAN BY A MASS??? KIDNEY STONES WOULDN’T BE CALLED A “MASS” WOULD THEY? NOPE, NO WAY… SHE WOULD HAVE SAID STONES… NOT A MASS…
While my anxiety rose (not slow and steady I might add), hundreds of questions were flooding my mind. Finally, I blurted it out…
“ARE YOU REFERRING TO THE “C” WORD”?!?
She responded with a “yes, we cannot rule that out, but that is why we are going to do an ultrasound.”
Where the HELL did my Kidney stones go? I wanted them back! I wanted to BEG HER TO GIVE ME MY STONES BACK!!! Breathe… I knew I had to breathe… so I did (though it like breathing during an asthma attack).
Without even knowing whether my problem is minor or very serious, it think I saw my life flashing before me and my outlook was vastly different from moments before “the call”. It’s amazing how “ONE SINGLE WORD CAN CHANGE YOU COMPLETELY”. I was ANGRY, SCARED, SAD, WORRIED, ANGRY, ANGRY AND EVEN MORE ANGRY! ANGER was the one emotion I couldn’t let go of. Some of my anger was selfish. What if it was Cancer? What if I was not going to be ok? How could anyone allow this happen to my CHILDREN? They didn’t deserve it! The rush of emotions was maddening!
Then… I woke up. For all I know, it isn’t cancer. It could still be a kidney stone. It could be anything! I let “something” that may be “absolutely nothing” take over my world… and it all started with one word that began with the letter “C.”
So, until my ultrasound sheds more light on my internal issues, I am going to focus on a word that doesn’t equate to an emotional state of rage, rather something a little more powerful… “FAITH.”
I am still scared and I hope my appointment goes well. Regardless though, I have faith that everything is going to be ok.
ELEVATE | 2014